Exploring Fantasies

The biggest gift that came from that one conversation was the ability to explore our fantasies together. We’ve used a variety of tools over the years, each with it’s own pros/cons.

Erotic Images

We started with us each having our own Tumblr accounts. This was in the days before Tumblr attempted to rid itself of NSFW work content, so there was plenty of spicy content to scroll through. We would send each other things that we found exciting. That allowed us to share quite easily and we could feel each other out over time. As we had a better sense of what each other was interested in, we felt comfortable to share even more.

Co-Authored Stories

Somewhere along the way, we began to write fantasy stories together. Originally we did it within the Tumblr chat, but that was cumbersome. Eventually we got our own private IM workspace, where we could keep all our fantasy/relationship related communication.

We would start the story by one of us writing a chapter. At the end of each chapter, we’d switch and the other person would take over.

This back and forth allowed for both of us to share a bit of our fantasy, while learning more about each other at the same time. It also allowed us to steer the story in ways that helped us find our boundaries.

It’s worth noting, stories can be a fun way to explore far beyond what you’d be comfortable with in reality. And it’s good to make it clear which stories you may want to bring to life versus which should remain a work of fiction. Not every fantasy is meant to become a reality.

Kink Quiz

Possibly the most powerful tool we’ve ever used is a kink quiz. I crafted a very detailed quiz, with hundreds of questions, that could be answered on a scale of 1 to 5.

5 – Want
4 – Will (Enthusiastically)
3 – Will
2 – Will (Reluctantly)
1 – Won’t / Hard Stop

Each of us took the quiz independently and then our results were compared side-by-side. Even after years of sharing our fantasies with each other, there was still more that we learned. It also worked well to share and learn about a third.

Reviewing the topics where everyone answered between 3 – 5 is an easy win! You know everyone involved is excited about these activities.

Warning: Reviewing topics where the answers don’t match can bubble up some big feelings. It takes some solid emotional intelligence to navigate that. Proceed with caution.

I’m sure I missed a few tools in there, but I’ll add them as we go.

More soon.

Mr. Smith